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Jul. 16th, 2008 @ 01:43 am hold me now
life is beautiful. it's been weeks since i last posted something here, but it's because summer has been good to me. so much fun stuff like bike rides in the park and swimming at the public pool. and beer on patios. oh man, so much beer on patios. i think it is a scientific fact that beer tastes better outside. if it's science, it simply cannot be denied.

the past couple weeks have been a frenzy of apartment hunting. i saw beautiful places and absolute shit holes. but after an exhaustive search of the city, i found our perfect home. it's huge and bright and new, with ridiculous things like a dishwasher, laundry, jacuzzi tub and even a bidet... yeah, that's right, one of those fancy things that looks like a toilet, but really squirts water and cleans your bum after you poo. we are classy ladies, and we found ourselves a classy home. the girls are coming up this week to see the place and sign the lease, and then it will all be official. hurrah! i am so excited about this, it's ridiculous.

the boy is moving here tomorrow. this is good, bad and weird for reasons that will remain private until decisive action has been taken. we thank you for your patience. hehe.

this past weekend was emma and heather's 2 year anniversary party. to celebrate their love, it seemed only natural to invite everyone they love and do everything they love (ie: nachos, beer and karaoke). it was probably one of the best nights of the summer. everyone got on stage and sang ridiculous songs and danced the night away. not that i didn't know before, but that night made me ridiculously thankful for my group of friends. erin, emma, heather and bryn are more like family to me than my own family sometimes.

umm, it's my goddam birthday on saturday, which means we have even more cause to celebrate. seems like all my lovelies are coming out and we will twist the night away at the boat, so this birthday seems like it's going to be a record-breaking one...

ok, so tired, just wanted to update and be alive. love love love.
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Jun. 12th, 2008 @ 05:13 pm (no subject)
fuck fuck fuck. i have been laying in bed for three days, utterly destroyed. i woke up sunday morning feeling like i was hit by a mack truck. my skin hurt, my hair hurt, my throat was on fire, my nose was filled with cement... all pretty standard stuff, but multiplied by ten. i tried to go to work that day but ended up coming home because i was a pile of shit behind the counter. i proceded to call in sick the past two days at the nanny gig which is SHIT because these were my last three days with Will before they go away to PEI. luckily, the disease that firebombed my body seems to be retreating and i am feeling human again, so i will the day with will tomorrow.

it's hard to explain, and it's not just because he's small and cute, but will and i have seriously bonded over the past year and it is going to break my heart to say goodbye tomorrow. he is a special person with a heart as big as the sky. i know it's not goodbye forever (duh), but they will probably be in PEI until thanksgiving. i am actually hoping to get out east at the end of the summer for will's birthday: a week on a private beach on the ocean? hell yes.

friday, the boy came to visit. holy holy holy. i picked him up from the bus station at 7:30am and brought him home. we didn't get out of bed until 12 hours later for food and shower. then everyone came over here that night to drink some booze and take a look at this boy i've been gushing about. all the girls were here, christina and tyler too and it turned out to be such a rowdy, hilarious night. everyone just got drunk and told hilarious stories and took ridiculous shake-face pictures. and apparently my tom (that's his name, by the way) passed the test, because everyone sent messages of approval the next morning. so cute. after i kicked everyone out, it was back to bed and much too soon, it was time for work and to say goodbye. bah. who needs half-boyfriends in north bay? useless! and yet i can't wait for next month's visit... *sigh*

i am bored of sitting in my bedroom in pyjamas, by myself. i can't wait to kick this fucking sickness so i can go out and drink some beers with my ladies.
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Jun. 1st, 2008 @ 05:43 pm god that was strange to see you again
first and foremost, it is pappy's birthday today. bryn, this year will be the best one yet, i can feel it. i only wish that you were here with your family to celebrate, but believe me we are all thinking about you.

i have been a sweaty mess for the past week... not cute. why can't it just be hot? like, normal old summer hot? instead, the air has a fucking texture. i have a constant film on my skin. i am a very vain individual, so the sweaty face and frizzy hair i see in the mirror are making me uncomfortable. in a weird way though, doesn't it almost feel therapeutic? like, being in a sauna, constantly. i feel like i am sweating out toxins, broken hearts and excess hubris.

the boy the boy the boy. despite some recent drama, the bus ticket is booked and he is coming to visit next weekend. the sad part is that i have decided that it will be a weekend to make it or break it. this long distance shit combined with middle-of-the-road relationship politics is getting hard on the heart. but then he makes me blush again and i lose my spine. we will see what comes of this visit. most hilariously: he is insisting on meeting my girls. so he will spend an evening with my hot, foul-mouthed dykes and it should be interesting, at least. they have promised to be on their best behaviour: which means not telling horrifying stories about me. we'll see how well those promises hold up...

i only have 5 days left with my little will. this is good news, because having only one job means more time off and more flexibility. this is heartbreaking news, because it means no more afternoons on the beach with my smallest friend. his mom and i made a video of me singing and dancing "the green grass grows all around, all around" so that will can still see me whenever he wants while they are away. i have a feeling that video will come back to haunt me one day, but for now it's a cute idea i guess...

i bought a new bike and she is the most beautiful thing i've ever seen. she is a 1952 schwinn with the original fenders and seat, electric blue... i feel like marilyn monroe when i ride it. because of this new addition to the family, i think i am going to sell rapido, my sweet 1973 low-rider. i don't know how i am going to part with that sparkly banana seat and sissy handle bars...

tonight i am going to a rebel burlesque at the cadillac lounge with the girls. oh man, a whole stage full of hot tattooed ladies in corsets... i am pretty excited. hopefully it won't be too rockabilly-pretentious, but either way it will be fun

time for ice cream bitches.
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May. 20th, 2008 @ 09:16 pm you know i'm no good
big week! oh my!

have i mentioned yet how great it is that waterloo has moved to toronto?? having erin, emma and heather around has made home feel like home.

i saw amy winehouse last week and the show was amazing. she was as drunk and incoherent as i had hoped she would be: between songs, she was slurring on about nonsense. it was hilarious. her voice, however, was perfection: for being so messed up, she was spot on. even better than amy herself was her backup band! the dap kings (of sharon jones fame) backed her up and they sounded sooo good. so many great horn interludes and a whole pack of handsome men dancing, swaying, clapping and "ooohing". i wish i was amy winehouse only so that i could have my own harem of handsome men dancing around me. geez, what's a girl gotta do?

speaking of men, that one that moved away is back in the picture. he's still fa away, but we've come to new understanding and he will hopefully be visiting soon... frankly, some of us need to get laid. i'm such a romantic, right? but really, he makes me blush.

apparently my career aspirations mean i have to shelve my tattoo plans. i know, it's a small sacrifice for a fulfilling career. but i was really looking forward to getting a big piece on my forearm. i now have to get creative and think of locations that can be hidden beneath normal clothes. i am thinking i was an old fashioned sailor heart on my upper arm that will say "sweetheart". i'm so hardcore it hurts.

last night i went to sarah and scott's and had sooo much fun. it made me remember that i like staying in as much as going out. we watched "some kind of wonderful" and played trivial pursuit (i kicked ass, by the way). does that make me lame? meh, i'm prepared to accept that. i still love a good drunken night of dancing, but i think i am growing out of the phase of wanting to go partying every night. haha, do you like how i am trying to make it sound as though i am maturing? i like it.

ok, more lameness: this week was the last episode EVER of gilmore girls. this is a big deal, friends. seven years of rory and lorelai and witty banter... all done. despite a shitty shitty seaon, this last episode was perfect. it was like the writers were holding out all season, saving up all the good dialogue for the last episode. it really was great though and i cried like a whore. i appreciate that they didn't do anything cheesy and outrageous: it was just a really sweet, poignant and totally appropriate goodbye.

the new feist is *way* better than the old one.

mary beth should send me a mixed cd.

i have so many books to read that i wish i could read faster. my excitement is faster than my eyes.

my cats are better than yours.
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May. 10th, 2008 @ 07:20 pm this is what a feminist looks like
to borrow a quote from the lovely mary beth: "i am up to my tits in feminist literature"

it's true. i just finished "full frontal feminism" (by my new girlfriend jessica valenti... geez. soo cool. soo hot) and am making my way through "the chalice and the blade" - a historical account of how warfare and the rise of christianity have debased and all but erased women's roles in society. not only does it feel really good to be learning stuff (a whole year out of school and i am trying desperately to not let my brain turn to mush), it feels really good to read things that reassure me of my personhood. not that i spend much time doubting it and buying in to patriarchal bullshit that says i should hate my body, my brain and myself in general. nonetheless, it is nice to hear that i'm not alone in thinking about how fucked up things are for the ladies (and, by consequence, for the menfolk). because seriously, inequality hurts all of us. before i go on a long winded rant about various feminist topics that are on my mind, i think i'd rather make a statement that may be perceived as offensive or close-minded. but fuck it. if it offends you, it's probably for a reason. so here it goes:

as of right now, i am not interested in being associated with anyone who does not believe in feminism.

just like that.

because if you don't believe that i am a full human being, and that i deserve the same rights as all people, and that i deserve to feel safe in this world, and that i am in charge of what happens to my body... well then i have no time for you. simple as that. men and women alike. luckily, all my female friends(stop me if i'm wrong) identify as feminists. the boys, well, fall in line or have a nice life. and on that note, may i give a ridiculously loud shout out to everyone's favourite revolutionary: bryn ossington. geez. if all men were like you, we wouldn't need feminism. you are the best man i know, and an example to all others.

on a lighter note, i worked to clothing show last week and had sooo much fun. though the 14 hour days were hella exhausting, it was fun to meet so many cool vintage dealers and see so many new faces (the store has a lot of regulars... which is great, but novelty is exciting too). also, i came home with so much shit: a watch, 3 1950's dresses, an apron, a leopard-print raincoat and a cardigan. oh man, i love clothes. i can't help it. i look in my closet and feel all warm inside.

and for those who don't know: i dyed my hair black as night. i was sooo self-conscious at first, but now i'm pretty sure i look foxy.

also, i bought a $100 bra. a lot of money, but worth every penny.

also, the girls moving to toronto is the best thing to every happen. i feel like i am in waterloo again, but with way more cool stuff to do.

my roommate is getting weirder by the minute and i am itching to move. ladies, i am compulsively checking the listings for our perfect house.

ok, time for some frozen yogurt and some quality time with the kitties.
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Apr. 23rd, 2008 @ 07:20 pm springtime can kill you
so, so tired. got a call at midnight last night from the baby's mom... she went into labour, so i had to truck over to the beaches right away so she could go to the hospital and spit out a baby. unfortunately, it was all in vain as the good doctors sent her home... apparently a woman's cervix needs to be fully dilated to be admitted into a hospital, no matter how frequent and painful the contractions. so i spent the day with the kid while she laid in bed in pain. did i mention i never want babies? so i am on call again in case i am needed.

mary beth and jesse came to visit last week and it was so fun to have some time off to explore the city. we ate delicious food, went to the art gallery, bought obnoxious amounts of books, clothes and various other entertainment devices, and spent some quality time with the cats. i'd say the visit was a success and i hope it made mary extra-want to move here...

oh, i finally bought "wet hot american summer" and have been reminded of why it blew my mind in the first place. shit. it's just so good and makes me want to make out with janeane garofolo.

so that boy i like is apparently never moving back to toronto. goddam. not that i would want him to make decisions based on me, but it sucks for the universe to yank away to only boy who hasn't annoyed me in a long time. i'm not sure exactly where we stand at this point in light of this news, but he is coming to visit me in a couple weeks (a much *needed* visit, if you know what i mean), so that is good enough for now i suppose.

i wish erin, emma and heather would hurry up and move here. i am itching to have such a chunk of home here in the city.

who else thinks the girls on this season of ANTM are overwhelmingly LAME? yeah, that's what i thought. though mama tyra is getting progressively crazier, so it's totally worth watching.

make me some mmixed cd's please: my collection is getting uber stale. though i can't stop listening to the new modest mouse. i LOVE it. and if you hate it, stop being an elitist and realize that a change of direction is not equivalent to selling out. thank you.
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Apr. 16th, 2008 @ 10:56 pm sweet heart, bitter heart
when will i learn that bryn is always right? he told me i was over-reacting to the week-long absence of the boy. he was right. i got a call the next day and all is well. woops.

everyone i know has been here to visit this week: bryn and rachael on wednesday was so much fun. we shopped for their prom outfits, dropped off me and rae's deposits for U of T (and yes, there is photographic evidence because we are nerds like that), ate
nachos at sneaky's and took h&m by storm. thursday was tea and love with sonal where we finally caught up on too many life events. friday was a slumber party with emma and heather where we celebrated friday the 13th with a stupid and horrifying movie called Black Xmas. and then saturday was a very brief visit from erin with heart-stopping news that she, too, would be moving to toronto with the girls... oh man, nothing could make me happier. this week will be more visits with mary and jesse, and chaos will ensue.

life with the baby is lovely as usual: his new sister is due any minute now and i am excited to meet her.

also, i got home from work tonight and read about the massacre in virginia and cried my eyes out. i can't deal with stories like this. it brings me back to that day at columbine and to the mourning we go into every year when we remember the massacre in montreal. maybe because i am young and a student and all those things, it touches me more. but more than any other tragedy on the news, it makes me so, so sad as though i myself have lost someone. it's just so fucked up. there are a lot of people who will cry themselves to sleep tonight for having lost a friend, daughter, son, sister, brother, lover this morning. and to them, all i can wish is a moment of quiet sleep - some small interruption from the grief they must be feeling. fuck.
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Apr. 5th, 2008 @ 10:45 pm bah!
geez louise! i got into both universities i applied to! i am going to be a teacher! and i get to stay in toronto! i am totally floored. i was honestly, totally prepared for rejection. i am over the moon. now if everyone i love can get their shit together and figure out dates and locations, i can set about the business of finding a sweet apartment with people i actually like, instead of this bizarro i live with now.

along with acceptance comes rejection... *sigh* boys are allergic to me! this one seemed really promising. we had stuff in common, he didn't annoy me, he said nice things and thought i was the smartest person on earth (and was mind-blowing where it matters *wink*)... and then, suddenly, he is gone. i haven't heard from him in a week (which is pretty long, considering we have known each other for three!). the worst is that i miss him...

i don't know how many times i can quit dating. but this time i mean it! hehe.

anyway, a little heartache pales in comparison to my ebulliance about the future... yeah, i said ebulliance. what?
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Apr. 2nd, 2008 @ 03:03 pm also
also, i was propositioned at work yesterday and it made me want to run home and take a shower. ugh. a man walked in and asked if i spoke french. i said yes and he asked me to help him find something. so i take him to the section he was searching for, while he is flirting with me in french. he kissed my hand and told me i was driving him crazy and asked if i was for sale too, or just the clothes? i told him to fuck off and to leave my store. he walked out with his tail between his legs, but it was still not ok. while at work, doing my job, fully covered... and you have the nerve to ask if i'm also a prostitute? sicko.
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Apr. 2nd, 2008 @ 11:10 am falling is like this
so i woke up yesterday with a sickness... not cool. this change of season business always kicks my ass. so now i am spending my day off nursing my sore throat and snotty nose... why won't anyone come over and make me soup?

i never updated here about the boy situation. and now it has turned tragic. hehe. so i met a boy named tom and he is the first in a goddam long time who hasn't bored me to tears. he is covered in tattoos and calls me 'doll' and is too damn smart. after two weeks of blush-inducing rendez vous, he has now moved home to north bay for two months (long story). two months? seriously? we're not even actually dating, and now there is a long distance thing to deal with... it's all a little confusing.
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