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Jul. 16th, 2008 @ 01:43 am hold me now
life is beautiful. it's been weeks since i last posted something here, but it's because summer has been good to me. so much fun stuff like bike rides in the park and swimming at the public pool. and beer on patios. oh man, so much beer on patios. i think it is a scientific fact that beer tastes better outside. if it's science, it simply cannot be denied.

the past couple weeks have been a frenzy of apartment hunting. i saw beautiful places and absolute shit holes. but after an exhaustive search of the city, i found our perfect home. it's huge and bright and new, with ridiculous things like a dishwasher, laundry, jacuzzi tub and even a bidet... yeah, that's right, one of those fancy things that looks like a toilet, but really squirts water and cleans your bum after you poo. we are classy ladies, and we found ourselves a classy home. the girls are coming up this week to see the place and sign the lease, and then it will all be official. hurrah! i am so excited about this, it's ridiculous.

the boy is moving here tomorrow. this is good, bad and weird for reasons that will remain private until decisive action has been taken. we thank you for your patience. hehe.

this past weekend was emma and heather's 2 year anniversary party. to celebrate their love, it seemed only natural to invite everyone they love and do everything they love (ie: nachos, beer and karaoke). it was probably one of the best nights of the summer. everyone got on stage and sang ridiculous songs and danced the night away. not that i didn't know before, but that night made me ridiculously thankful for my group of friends. erin, emma, heather and bryn are more like family to me than my own family sometimes.

umm, it's my goddam birthday on saturday, which means we have even more cause to celebrate. seems like all my lovelies are coming out and we will twist the night away at the boat, so this birthday seems like it's going to be a record-breaking one...

ok, so tired, just wanted to update and be alive. love love love.
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Jun. 12th, 2008 @ 05:13 pm (no subject)
fuck fuck fuck. i have been laying in bed for three days, utterly destroyed. i woke up sunday morning feeling like i was hit by a mack truck. my skin hurt, my hair hurt, my throat was on fire, my nose was filled with cement... all pretty standard stuff, but multiplied by ten. i tried to go to work that day but ended up coming home because i was a pile of shit behind the counter. i proceded to call in sick the past two days at the nanny gig which is SHIT because these were my last three days with Will before they go away to PEI. luckily, the disease that firebombed my body seems to be retreating and i am feeling human again, so i will the day with will tomorrow.

it's hard to explain, and it's not just because he's small and cute, but will and i have seriously bonded over the past year and it is going to break my heart to say goodbye tomorrow. he is a special person with a heart as big as the sky. i know it's not goodbye forever (duh), but they will probably be in PEI until thanksgiving. i am actually hoping to get out east at the end of the summer for will's birthday: a week on a private beach on the ocean? hell yes.

friday, the boy came to visit. holy holy holy. i picked him up from the bus station at 7:30am and brought him home. we didn't get out of bed until 12 hours later for food and shower. then everyone came over here that night to drink some booze and take a look at this boy i've been gushing about. all the girls were here, christina and tyler too and it turned out to be such a rowdy, hilarious night. everyone just got drunk and told hilarious stories and took ridiculous shake-face pictures. and apparently my tom (that's his name, by the way) passed the test, because everyone sent messages of approval the next morning. so cute. after i kicked everyone out, it was back to bed and much too soon, it was time for work and to say goodbye. bah. who needs half-boyfriends in north bay? useless! and yet i can't wait for next month's visit... *sigh*

i am bored of sitting in my bedroom in pyjamas, by myself. i can't wait to kick this fucking sickness so i can go out and drink some beers with my ladies.
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Jun. 1st, 2008 @ 05:43 pm god that was strange to see you again
first and foremost, it is pappy's birthday today. bryn, this year will be the best one yet, i can feel it. i only wish that you were here with your family to celebrate, but believe me we are all thinking about you.

i have been a sweaty mess for the past week... not cute. why can't it just be hot? like, normal old summer hot? instead, the air has a fucking texture. i have a constant film on my skin. i am a very vain individual, so the sweaty face and frizzy hair i see in the mirror are making me uncomfortable. in a weird way though, doesn't it almost feel therapeutic? like, being in a sauna, constantly. i feel like i am sweating out toxins, broken hearts and excess hubris.

the boy the boy the boy. despite some recent drama, the bus ticket is booked and he is coming to visit next weekend. the sad part is that i have decided that it will be a weekend to make it or break it. this long distance shit combined with middle-of-the-road relationship politics is getting hard on the heart. but then he makes me blush again and i lose my spine. we will see what comes of this visit. most hilariously: he is insisting on meeting my girls. so he will spend an evening with my hot, foul-mouthed dykes and it should be interesting, at least. they have promised to be on their best behaviour: which means not telling horrifying stories about me. we'll see how well those promises hold up...

i only have 5 days left with my little will. this is good news, because having only one job means more time off and more flexibility. this is heartbreaking news, because it means no more afternoons on the beach with my smallest friend. his mom and i made a video of me singing and dancing "the green grass grows all around, all around" so that will can still see me whenever he wants while they are away. i have a feeling that video will come back to haunt me one day, but for now it's a cute idea i guess...

i bought a new bike and she is the most beautiful thing i've ever seen. she is a 1952 schwinn with the original fenders and seat, electric blue... i feel like marilyn monroe when i ride it. because of this new addition to the family, i think i am going to sell rapido, my sweet 1973 low-rider. i don't know how i am going to part with that sparkly banana seat and sissy handle bars...

tonight i am going to a rebel burlesque at the cadillac lounge with the girls. oh man, a whole stage full of hot tattooed ladies in corsets... i am pretty excited. hopefully it won't be too rockabilly-pretentious, but either way it will be fun

time for ice cream bitches.
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May. 20th, 2008 @ 09:16 pm you know i'm no good
big week! oh my!

have i mentioned yet how great it is that waterloo has moved to toronto?? having erin, emma and heather around has made home feel like home.

i saw amy winehouse last week and the show was amazing. she was as drunk and incoherent as i had hoped she would be: between songs, she was slurring on about nonsense. it was hilarious. her voice, however, was perfection: for being so messed up, she was spot on. even better than amy herself was her backup band! the dap kings (of sharon jones fame) backed her up and they sounded sooo good. so many great horn interludes and a whole pack of handsome men dancing, swaying, clapping and "ooohing". i wish i was amy winehouse only so that i could have my own harem of handsome men dancing around me. geez, what's a girl gotta do?

speaking of men, that one that moved away is back in the picture. he's still fa away, but we've come to new understanding and he will hopefully be visiting soon... frankly, some of us need to get laid. i'm such a romantic, right? but really, he makes me blush.

apparently my career aspirations mean i have to shelve my tattoo plans. i know, it's a small sacrifice for a fulfilling career. but i was really looking forward to getting a big piece on my forearm. i now have to get creative and think of locations that can be hidden beneath normal clothes. i am thinking i was an old fashioned sailor heart on my upper arm that will say "sweetheart". i'm so hardcore it hurts.

last night i went to sarah and scott's and had sooo much fun. it made me remember that i like staying in as much as going out. we watched "some kind of wonderful" and played trivial pursuit (i kicked ass, by the way). does that make me lame? meh, i'm prepared to accept that. i still love a good drunken night of dancing, but i think i am growing out of the phase of wanting to go partying every night. haha, do you like how i am trying to make it sound as though i am maturing? i like it.

ok, more lameness: this week was the last episode EVER of gilmore girls. this is a big deal, friends. seven years of rory and lorelai and witty banter... all done. despite a shitty shitty seaon, this last episode was perfect. it was like the writers were holding out all season, saving up all the good dialogue for the last episode. it really was great though and i cried like a whore. i appreciate that they didn't do anything cheesy and outrageous: it was just a really sweet, poignant and totally appropriate goodbye.

the new feist is *way* better than the old one.

mary beth should send me a mixed cd.

i have so many books to read that i wish i could read faster. my excitement is faster than my eyes.

my cats are better than yours.
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May. 10th, 2008 @ 07:20 pm this is what a feminist looks like
to borrow a quote from the lovely mary beth: "i am up to my tits in feminist literature"

it's true. i just finished "full frontal feminism" (by my new girlfriend jessica valenti... geez. soo cool. soo hot) and am making my way through "the chalice and the blade" - a historical account of how warfare and the rise of christianity have debased and all but erased women's roles in society. not only does it feel really good to be learning stuff (a whole year out of school and i am trying desperately to not let my brain turn to mush), it feels really good to read things that reassure me of my personhood. not that i spend much time doubting it and buying in to patriarchal bullshit that says i should hate my body, my brain and myself in general. nonetheless, it is nice to hear that i'm not alone in thinking about how fucked up things are for the ladies (and, by consequence, for the menfolk). because seriously, inequality hurts all of us. before i go on a long winded rant about various feminist topics that are on my mind, i think i'd rather make a statement that may be perceived as offensive or close-minded. but fuck it. if it offends you, it's probably for a reason. so here it goes:

as of right now, i am not interested in being associated with anyone who does not believe in feminism.

just like that.

because if you don't believe that i am a full human being, and that i deserve the same rights as all people, and that i deserve to feel safe in this world, and that i am in charge of what happens to my body... well then i have no time for you. simple as that. men and women alike. luckily, all my female friends(stop me if i'm wrong) identify as feminists. the boys, well, fall in line or have a nice life. and on that note, may i give a ridiculously loud shout out to everyone's favourite revolutionary: bryn ossington. geez. if all men were like you, we wouldn't need feminism. you are the best man i know, and an example to all others.

on a lighter note, i worked to clothing show last week and had sooo much fun. though the 14 hour days were hella exhausting, it was fun to meet so many cool vintage dealers and see so many new faces (the store has a lot of regulars... which is great, but novelty is exciting too). also, i came home with so much shit: a watch, 3 1950's dresses, an apron, a leopard-print raincoat and a cardigan. oh man, i love clothes. i can't help it. i look in my closet and feel all warm inside.

and for those who don't know: i dyed my hair black as night. i was sooo self-conscious at first, but now i'm pretty sure i look foxy.

also, i bought a $100 bra. a lot of money, but worth every penny.

also, the girls moving to toronto is the best thing to every happen. i feel like i am in waterloo again, but with way more cool stuff to do.

my roommate is getting weirder by the minute and i am itching to move. ladies, i am compulsively checking the listings for our perfect house.

ok, time for some frozen yogurt and some quality time with the kitties.
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Apr. 23rd, 2008 @ 07:20 pm springtime can kill you
so, so tired. got a call at midnight last night from the baby's mom... she went into labour, so i had to truck over to the beaches right away so she could go to the hospital and spit out a baby. unfortunately, it was all in vain as the good doctors sent her home... apparently a woman's cervix needs to be fully dilated to be admitted into a hospital, no matter how frequent and painful the contractions. so i spent the day with the kid while she laid in bed in pain. did i mention i never want babies? so i am on call again in case i am needed.

mary beth and jesse came to visit last week and it was so fun to have some time off to explore the city. we ate delicious food, went to the art gallery, bought obnoxious amounts of books, clothes and various other entertainment devices, and spent some quality time with the cats. i'd say the visit was a success and i hope it made mary extra-want to move here...

oh, i finally bought "wet hot american summer" and have been reminded of why it blew my mind in the first place. shit. it's just so good and makes me want to make out with janeane garofolo.

so that boy i like is apparently never moving back to toronto. goddam. not that i would want him to make decisions based on me, but it sucks for the universe to yank away to only boy who hasn't annoyed me in a long time. i'm not sure exactly where we stand at this point in light of this news, but he is coming to visit me in a couple weeks (a much *needed* visit, if you know what i mean), so that is good enough for now i suppose.

i wish erin, emma and heather would hurry up and move here. i am itching to have such a chunk of home here in the city.

who else thinks the girls on this season of ANTM are overwhelmingly LAME? yeah, that's what i thought. though mama tyra is getting progressively crazier, so it's totally worth watching.

make me some mmixed cd's please: my collection is getting uber stale. though i can't stop listening to the new modest mouse. i LOVE it. and if you hate it, stop being an elitist and realize that a change of direction is not equivalent to selling out. thank you.
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Apr. 16th, 2008 @ 10:56 pm sweet heart, bitter heart
when will i learn that bryn is always right? he told me i was over-reacting to the week-long absence of the boy. he was right. i got a call the next day and all is well. woops.

everyone i know has been here to visit this week: bryn and rachael on wednesday was so much fun. we shopped for their prom outfits, dropped off me and rae's deposits for U of T (and yes, there is photographic evidence because we are nerds like that), ate
nachos at sneaky's and took h&m by storm. thursday was tea and love with sonal where we finally caught up on too many life events. friday was a slumber party with emma and heather where we celebrated friday the 13th with a stupid and horrifying movie called Black Xmas. and then saturday was a very brief visit from erin with heart-stopping news that she, too, would be moving to toronto with the girls... oh man, nothing could make me happier. this week will be more visits with mary and jesse, and chaos will ensue.

life with the baby is lovely as usual: his new sister is due any minute now and i am excited to meet her.

also, i got home from work tonight and read about the massacre in virginia and cried my eyes out. i can't deal with stories like this. it brings me back to that day at columbine and to the mourning we go into every year when we remember the massacre in montreal. maybe because i am young and a student and all those things, it touches me more. but more than any other tragedy on the news, it makes me so, so sad as though i myself have lost someone. it's just so fucked up. there are a lot of people who will cry themselves to sleep tonight for having lost a friend, daughter, son, sister, brother, lover this morning. and to them, all i can wish is a moment of quiet sleep - some small interruption from the grief they must be feeling. fuck.
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Apr. 5th, 2008 @ 10:45 pm bah!
geez louise! i got into both universities i applied to! i am going to be a teacher! and i get to stay in toronto! i am totally floored. i was honestly, totally prepared for rejection. i am over the moon. now if everyone i love can get their shit together and figure out dates and locations, i can set about the business of finding a sweet apartment with people i actually like, instead of this bizarro i live with now.

along with acceptance comes rejection... *sigh* boys are allergic to me! this one seemed really promising. we had stuff in common, he didn't annoy me, he said nice things and thought i was the smartest person on earth (and was mind-blowing where it matters *wink*)... and then, suddenly, he is gone. i haven't heard from him in a week (which is pretty long, considering we have known each other for three!). the worst is that i miss him...

i don't know how many times i can quit dating. but this time i mean it! hehe.

anyway, a little heartache pales in comparison to my ebulliance about the future... yeah, i said ebulliance. what?
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Apr. 2nd, 2008 @ 03:03 pm also
also, i was propositioned at work yesterday and it made me want to run home and take a shower. ugh. a man walked in and asked if i spoke french. i said yes and he asked me to help him find something. so i take him to the section he was searching for, while he is flirting with me in french. he kissed my hand and told me i was driving him crazy and asked if i was for sale too, or just the clothes? i told him to fuck off and to leave my store. he walked out with his tail between his legs, but it was still not ok. while at work, doing my job, fully covered... and you have the nerve to ask if i'm also a prostitute? sicko.
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Apr. 2nd, 2008 @ 11:10 am falling is like this
so i woke up yesterday with a sickness... not cool. this change of season business always kicks my ass. so now i am spending my day off nursing my sore throat and snotty nose... why won't anyone come over and make me soup?

i never updated here about the boy situation. and now it has turned tragic. hehe. so i met a boy named tom and he is the first in a goddam long time who hasn't bored me to tears. he is covered in tattoos and calls me 'doll' and is too damn smart. after two weeks of blush-inducing rendez vous, he has now moved home to north bay for two months (long story). two months? seriously? we're not even actually dating, and now there is a long distance thing to deal with... it's all a little confusing.
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Mar. 26th, 2008 @ 05:44 pm watch me hold you steady
exhausted from an eventful weekend. ready?

saturday night, my dad and my stepmom came to toronto to visit, which was really sweet: it made me feel really loved that they would drive four hours just to hang out with me for a night. on top of that, we actually had lots of fun. we ate a feast of chinese food in chinatown, then saw a comedy show at Second City. the show was hilarious and we all bust a gut. though there were a couple moments of discomfort where i tried not to laugh at blowjob jokes, for my father's sake. we proceded to get hammered at "gretzky's" (dad's choice... obviously). it was pretty great. coffee in the morning and they were off again, and i was off to work... just a nice little family reunion.

that day at work couldn't go by fast enough, because i was so excited to get on a greyhound and make my way home to waterloo... i arrived to a dark house, but everyone promptly put their fucking pants on (hehe) and the party got started. we drank wine and ordered pizza and it just always feels like home whenever those guys are involved. erin, unfortunately, had to work in the morning, so only bryn, rachael and i went down to phil's. we were there not just for the regular dirt-cheap booze and dirt-cheap thrills, but specifically to celebrate sarah's last night as the queen of the weekend at phil's: seven fucking years of catering to the requests of drunken assholes like me! she deserved a crown, not just the measly jager-bomb i provided! anyway, the music was extra good and so was the crowd! it was so nice to have all of sarah's friends there: they are so great and it definitely helps with phil's hipness to have that older, cooler crowd there. we drank and danced and the night ended in a round of applause for ms. sarah. it was really, really great and i'm so happy i came down for it.

aside from all the fun and polka-shmearing (eh? eh? are you with me rae?) there were two pieces of unfinished business at the bar last night. they were named josh and jon. two boys i haven't spoken to (basically) in the year since i've moved away. but everything has changed now and everyone is a little more grown up, so both potentially awkward encounters were actually pretty heart-warming. the josh thing is overly complicated and not worth explaining here (if you need to know, you know). the gist of last night was that he reconsidered his position vis-a-vis me and would like to try another shot and rekindling a friendship. it was not the time or place to hammer out the details or make decisions, but i think maybe it's worth a shot. it ended with a nice hug that brought some tears to my eyes, because i'm a sap like that. the jon thing is not nearly as complicated. overly simple, actually. but it's just to know that the past year has afforded the distance needed to make last night possible: a night of busting a move, catching up a little and a few conciliatory (?) hugs. doesn't sound very eventful to you, i know, but it meant a lot to this little heart.

the night ended in bryn's kitchen and then in erin's bed... thanks for the bed-share, sweetie. i wish we could have had a longer visit. but that will be soon. very soon. *insert donkey noise here*

i got home to toronto this afternoon and i feel like i've been hit by a mac truck: physical and emotional exhaustion, bitches. so i have been guzzling tea and watching garden state and recuperating for a day with the baby tomorrow... all in all, though, my heart is a little lighter than it has been in a while.

ok, enough for now, sorry about the novel. so much love.
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Mar. 19th, 2008 @ 04:05 pm i'm weak in the knees
serena ryder is so, so good. i know, i'm a billion years behind the times on that conclusion, but i wanted to chime in anyway.

i'm a little weak in the knees for a boy right now... i'm not sure what's going on, so i won't divulge too much info for the moment. but stand by for more updates on that front. hehe

i had the nicest day with wills yesterday. it was sunny and windy and we spent the whole afternoon on the beach, making ocean noises and sand castles. then we had supper on the kitchen floor and got food everywhere. it was hilarious. then he passed out on my lap as i read him french fairy tales... it was great. and, no, i still don't want kids. i just happen to enjoy the company of this one.

and then the day just got better as i got home, washed the baby off myself and christina came over for wine and last-minute prepping. we drank a bottle of wine on the walk over to the boat for a night of dance, dance revolution. we shook our thangs to ridiculously good music. and, yes, i made my debut as dj amradio. i played a whoppping 20 minute set of hot chip and the shangri-las, you say party! we say die!, etc. it was soooo much fun. the night ended with us demanding that the bartender "surprise us" with drinks. bad idea. it just felt good to really let loose for a night... i've been so busy and haven't had a chance to have a wild night in a long time. i had the day off today and was remarkably un-hungover. i've been doing laundry and having a fashion show of my entire closet... laugh all you will: that is a great day for me. hehe.

tonight is a date with the aforementioned boy. a date i'm not dreading?? i may have lost my mind.

i'm coming to waterloo on sunday night, bitches!! two reasons: i miss you. and, it's officially the end of sarah's 7 year reign over the weekends at phil's. she wants the whole city to be there to watch her get hammered and leave the dj booth for inappropriate amounts of time. so, come one, come all. if you have ever gotten drunk and had a great night to the tune of sarah's music, you should come celebrate the history, if nothing else.

ok, that's all for now. i have to take a whiz.
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Feb. 28th, 2008 @ 10:12 am time, truth and hearts
i am watching sylvia browne (that crazy psychic) on montel williams right now... as someone who enjoys a good psychic from time to time, i still find some of these people a little heart-breaking: "Do you think I will ever have children? Because I really want them but I'm still alone and..." and there's this desperate edge to their voices. not cool.

i had such a great weekend... bree was visiting and we had a proper date on saturday night: dinner and dancing. we danced up a goddam storm at the dance cave and it has put me in a perma-good mood since then. ooh, and little sarah was there creating the dance storm with us and looking like the goddess she is. soo fun. sunday was work at the store followed by the most glamourous oscars party you've ever seen. i borrowed ridiculously shiny shit from my store and proceded to dress up tyler and christina and myself. we looked like a very tacky version of the oscar nominees. it was amazing. we cooked a feast of burritos and salad and cookies and spent the night gorging ourselves as we critiqued celebrities... best ever.

i have the pleasure of announcing that i have finally worn out a vibrator. it just stopped working. it was a sadly proud moment.

moving on.

my weirdo roommate is in los angeles right now. by herself. standing in line to meet bob barker. she is my hero.

potato has reached sexual maturity and is in a heat cycle that is breaking my heart. so i am going to have her spayed next week and i am so sad. it's such an invasive surgery, but i know it's for the best... pray for my potato, ok?

ok, let's be honest about what today is: the two hour season premiere of america's next top model. i am holding my breath in anticipation until tonight.

yesterday was mary beth's birthday. you probably noticed a hushed tone of reverence across the planet yesterday. well-deserved. i love you, pretty.

day off today: i will buy a book and cat litter, and pay a visit to my pretty doctor (the meds are working! give me more!). have a lovely day, little ones.
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Feb. 18th, 2008 @ 10:21 am they tried to make me go to rehab, i said no no no no
please, please check out Amy Winehouse. her song Rehab is on constant repeat in my head. you'll thank me.

this week has been really good for no particular reason. being in charge at work has made my head swell and reconsider my future career plans... ok, not really, but it's pretty fun being the boss and deciding what goes where, etc.

bree is coming home to visit! i haven't seen her in too many months and now i get to hug her for a whole week. so exciting. this should inspire everyone else to come visit. ahem.

speaking of visiting, bryn came over friday night for a cute little visit. we drank tea and ate cookies (i'm such a domestic goddess... umm...)and played with my cats. he then left as my friday night dates arrived. three handsome boys showed up at my door: tyler, elliot and jeff. we drank a huge bottle of wine and headed out to a house party. it was hilarious: it was a kegger and called "motown throwdown". everyone was dressed in motowon gear and piss drunk on shitty keg beer. we danced to the chiffons and the temptations all night. so, pretty much, my ideal night. it was so great. and it ended with nachos at sneaky dee's! shit. it's all downhill from here.

i hung out with the baby the next day and it was momentous: he can say my name! or, a baby verson of my name that sounds like "aan-me" but it still broke my little heart. soo cute.

i am currently reading dave eggers' new novel "what is the what" and it should be mandatory reading for everyone. amongst other things, it is about the civil war in sudan that we are so determined to ignore. after this book, i will not be the same and i will not be able to ignore darfur. seriously, read it. you will be amazed and moved.

ok, time for work. i am going early to put out some pretty dresses. yay!
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Feb. 13th, 2008 @ 09:37 pm love me, love me, say that you love me
the interview at york went really well (i think). i was being extra charming and managed to talk about how much i love women and homos (ie: how i want to bring gender and sexuality equity to the forefront in the classroom). i even proposed a model UN club... i would be kofi annan. so now i sit tight and wait until april to hear back from both schools i applied to... i hate waiting. i really do. even if i am rejected from both, i just i knew NOW. ugh.

i had a date on saturday night and it was the least disastrous one i've ever had. i wouldn't go so far as to say that it was good, but it wasn't horrible. haha, that is the most i have come to expect from my dating life these days. the guy was pretty cool, pretty funny... but i'm not sure we're in love. anyway, the status is that he said he'd call. we'll see about that.

i went to waterloo on sunday night after work. it was my last chance to see sarah at work at phil's, and it was sooo nice to just chill in the booth with her and laugh all night. it's been soo long since i had been there (since last may!!), and it felt like coming home... a pukey-smelling home, that is. the next day i spent with erin and bryn, my family. we hung out and made valentine's cookies, decorated with more swear words and sparkles than you can shake a stick at. it was very romantic.

jocelyn sent me something in the mail. and by "something", i mean "the best thing ever". she got me an autographed copy of dave eggers' new novel. holy fuck. the inscription reads: "to anne-marie, i salute you and am your constant friend". this is better than a note from god. it's motherfucking dave eggers. my favourite writer. i am speechless. i am halfway through the book and it is, of course, goddam brilliant. it's called "what is the what" and i suggest you it, as well as his other books, because he will change your life.

my cat finn is getting really emotionally needy, especially in the mornings. he can't deal with not being around me for a couple hours in the morning. when i get in the shower, he jumps in after me. he doesn't care about the water. he is not smart. i throw him out and he just sits on the bath ledge, looking sad. he is like a very clingy boyfriend.

speaking of boyfriends, the bane of my single existence is tomorrow: valentine's day. i swear, i am ok with being single, but on this day it sucks. flowers and a makeout would be nice. haha, oh woman, i am so lame. but i will dress in red and pink for work tomorrow and bring cinnamon hearts and try to make it a fun day despite my desperation. wish me luck.

to all of you: will you be my valentine? circle yes, no or maybe.
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Feb. 8th, 2008 @ 10:46 pm i am smarter than you
i got a letter today! a letter for an interview for teacher's college at york! hurrah! the downfall here is that they have given me 48hrs notice: the interview is on saturday morning. which means i have tomorrow to prepare answers about how i feel about equity in education and comments on current issues in education... and what to wear. goddess, i am freaking out a little. i'm not used to things actually mattering... think about it: most things are pretty trivial or at least fixable... but this is a one-time try at starting my career. yikes. wish me luck for a good hair day.
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Feb. 6th, 2008 @ 08:33 pm promiscuous girl
i can't get that nelly furtado song out of my head...

i've been having the strangest dreams lately. last night, i was auditioning for american idol and made it really far! if you have ever heard me sing, you know how hilarious this dream is. in the past two weeks of dreams, i have had a baby (i called 911 when the water broke because i didn't know what else to do), got married, painted every building on kensington avenue pink (that was a good one) and had sex with at least two (inappropriate) partners. my dreams are normally totally banal, so these have been an entertaining change of pace.

turns out i loved global warming: this cold is not my friend. and i hate that it turns me into an asshole that feels the need to comment on the weather, as though no one else had noticed that it was goddam cold out.

i went to a party last week with my friend airin. it featured a small house pizzity-packed with hipsters and at the centre of it all was an inflatable pool full of red jello. the jello wrestling was utterly fascinating. it wasn't full of sexy girls. rather, it was dominated by skinny boys in tight jeans. needless to say, i needed a moment to myself to recuperate from the sight. the party was fun though: lots of beer and lots of hilarity.

baby will is being extra cute lately. he is in this phase where everything is fucking hilarious. seriously, everything i do provokes crazy giggles. also, he keeps wanting to touch his nose to mine (like an eskimo kiss). he'll tap his nose and say "tuh no!" and it melts my uterus.

roger, my boss at flashback, is gone to brazil for the rest of the month, so i'm in charge bitches. this means slightly more work for me (i have to go in every day to pay the people and i have to keep track of stock, etc)but it is also pretty exciting: i get to pretend i have my own store for a little while!

peekvid.com is in the process of changing my life. it's a website that runs like youtube, but you can watch whole movies and tv shows! new ones! newer than new ones! no donwloading, no catches. it's ridiculous. this past week i have watched "the queen", "borat" and "the departed"... all of which i intended to pay for in theatres. but, no, i saw them for free instead. and the L Word is on it! i've watched the new season so far! hurrah! sorry guys, i don't mean to so excited about something so lame, but when you work as much as i do, these small things become very big. hehe

man, april seems like a lifetime away: i wish i could just hear back from teacher's college NOW. rae: if we both get into u of t... chaos will ensue. seriously.
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Jan. 25th, 2008 @ 10:19 pm i'm an extraordinary machine
monday was the ultimate day off. i walked around the city for a couple hours, kicking up slush and smiling at boys. went swimming and ended up racing the lengths against an old chinese man. he was hilarious. spent the afternoon painting and knitting. i am shit at both, but somehow draw immense pleasure from both. spent the evening at my favourite coffee shop, reading my latest book from my favourite author. i know, this probably all sounds lame, but it was so good. in waterloo, i never did anyting alone, because there were always so many people around. which was amazing. and a lot of the time i really miss having all my friends around and never running short of coffee dates and movie nights and dancing partners. in toronto, i am alone way more often. and, i have to admit, it gets a little lonely. but what i also have to admit is that i love it. i love doing absolutely anything i want. i love having the luxury of spending time with myself and actually getting to enjoy my own company. it's just really interesting to learn about real independence.

anyway.

last night, sonal came to the city and we had the nicest visit. she was determined to explore the gay scene in toronto, so we explore it we did, hopping around church street like proper homos. hehe. crews/tango had many lessons to offer in the form of stage performance: in the front, a drag queen swaggering around the stage lip-synching to toni braxton. in the back, drag kings lip-synching to nickelback. so bizarre. after two martinis, sonal was tipsy, which is hilarious, so we called it a night and had a nice sleepover. it was so good to hang out with that girl and talk about heartbreaks and gossip and abortion.

jesse has invited me to his show next week: nearly three years since i've seen his face... do i go out of morbid curiosity? sarah, are you in?

i wish i was in peru with erin, rather than walking through the ice age we are experiencing.

i just finished the third season of arrested development. if you aren't already a fan of the show, do yourself a favour and just go out and buy all the dvd's. no risk, you will love it. it is the most fucking brilliant show in tv history. "pop-pop gets a treat?" oh i love it.
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Jan. 21st, 2008 @ 08:03 pm wild like children
i can't stop listening to tilly and the wall.

also, i can't stop buying boots and shoes. seriously, one day last week, i was paid entirely in footwear. but oh woman, it is worth it.

something exciting happened last week: roger asked me to go shopping with him for the store. so i spent a day going from warehouse to warehouse, digging through massive piles of dresses and shoes and coats. it was heavenly. i love clothes. love love love. and all week, every time someone bought something that i had picked out, my little heart would swell. i know, it's dumb, but it's exciting.

my new room is now officially complete. it is open for business, so come visit me. sarah, this means you. consider yourself invited along with that small boy of yours.

sarah and scott came to visit me on friday and it was the most fun i've had in a long time. those two are nonsense. we shopped for comic books and music. i bought one of each: any easy intimacy by jeffrey brown (my favourite comic artist... check out his stuff, it is amazing) and the latest neko case. i know it's old now, but i am always months behind the times. so far, it is lovely. we also spent some time in Honest Ed's. if you have never been to honest ed's, you haven't lived. imagine bi-way, but the size of a 4-floor department store. $4 girdles. $2 sweat pants and more religious paraphernalia than you can shake a crucifix at. i purchased some sketchy leggings and a keychain of the last supper.

the girls who live upstairs have a cat who is twice the size of finn. i didn't think it was possible. this cat is bigger than you can imagine.

tyler and i were discussing the line between good people and bad people. care to weigh in? i mean, most bad people probably think they are good. and probably some good people think they are bad, or at least not good enough. how much good does someone have to do before she can be considered a good person? or does one start from the assumption of good and lose points from there? and how much bad (and how bad?) until i am officially a bad person? i realize this is all subjective and relative and all that, but some recent discussions have made me wonder on what side of the fence i fall. i mean, i feel like a good person: i am nice to people around me, i give money to homeless people, i care about human rights, my cats are from the humane society, i call my parents, i tell me friends i love them. you know, good stuff. but i am also a heinous human being on some levels: i have slept with other girls' boyfriends, i have thought i was better than others, i can be really passive aggressive, i have stolen money from employers, i have said things with the specific intention of hurting someone, i have lied, i always cheat at monopoly, i am manipulative. please, this is not a cry for affirmation, just a taking into account of facts. i am literally just wondering how much good is enough good, and mostly how much bad until you are officially a bad person. do i have to kill someone? or are all the little bad things enough, added up?

no more thinking, i am going to keep teaching myself to knit wrist bands. it's a crafting revolution this week.
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Jan. 11th, 2008 @ 11:24 pm hey lloyd, i'm ready to be heartbroken
sooo long since the last update. lots has happened

first off, i am cured and i feel great. thanks for all the support all you lovely things.

the holidays were surprisingly fun. i expected to have a good time, but it was even better than that. i got to dance my heart out with mary beth (note to self: never wear a flannel dress to a bar again... sooo sweaty). also, she knit me the prettiest scarf i have ever laid eyes on. inspired, i am re-learning to knit. arm-warmers for everyone! my dad was being extra sweet and got me some great stuff for xmas. my bro's wedding was a total blast. i looked hot, cried like a whore, and danced up a storm with my handsome date bryn. the whole thing was just really touching and there was the happiest vibe all night: a true celebration. the next night was new year's. josh and i went out to the dance cave and failed miserably at connecting with all the waterloo pretties. we did, however, manage to dance with enough vigour to attract some attention. it was not too wild, but definitely an amazing night.

the next morning, i finished packing and waited patiently for the movers i had hired to show up. which they didn't. seriously. i panicked. but it was the best case scenario of a total disaster as bryn and erin and josh saved my ass and moved me into my new place. the new place, by the way, is amazing. it is huge and has tons of character. the only downfall is that my new roomie is... not normal. i mean, she isn't creepy or mean or dirty. she is actually quite sweet. but, woman, she is socially awkward and tells bizarre stories about how much she loves marshmallow salad. ("why salad?... cuz nothing about that sounds like a salad..." hahaha) we are adjusting to each other, though all i want to do is burn her clothes and give her a makeover.

i have been working tons since my holiday, but i got a day off to go visit waterloo for the first time in months. erin was heading out to peru for a month, so i wanted one last day of hugs. we had such a nice visit full of L-word (the new season is DRAMATIC), brownies, tacos and beer. I also got to see bryn and heather and it felt like home again, sitting in ethel's and shooting the shit. it's nice to have a home to go back to.

this weekend is full of flashback and dancing at the queenshead. today was dramatic for reasons i shant discuss, but i am determined to forget it and have some fun. who's with me? hehe.
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